Remember in the early 2000s when there was a string of shark attacks on the southeastern seaboard? The media seemed to report a new shark attack every couple of days. At work we all talked about what may have been causing this horrible plague of shark related injuries. You probably don’t remember this, but I do because my wife, Michelle, is deathly afraid of sharks. I had trouble convincing her to go on any vacation where we would be swimming in the ocean. It turned out that there wasn’t actually a big increase in shark attacks at all. While there were unusual attacks in certain areas, the overall rate of attacks in the U.S. remained flat. It wasn’t a shark frenzy, but a media frenzy about sharks that made us all think it wasn’t safe to go in the water.
Social media wasn’t a thing back then, but if it was, I think this is what probably would have happened to me:
Me: You know, statistically speaking, there really hasn’t been an increase in shark attacks.
Internet Mob: How can you be so insensitive?! Those shark attack victims have families, you know.
Me: I feel horrible for the victims and their families. I’m just saying that most of us aren’t going to be eaten by sharks.
Internet Mob: We really need to do something about this. We should kill all the sharks.
Me: I don’t think that’s a great idea. Most sharks don’t bite people, and I think I read somewhere that sharks are an important part of the ocean’s ecosystem or something.
Internet Mob: Why are you so pro-shark?! Why are you so anti-swimmer? You’re a hater!
Me: I’m not pro-shark and I don’t hate swimmers. (Although I’d rather see fewer overweight French Canadians in Speedos at Coco Beach.)
Internet Mob: We need to close down all the beaches until we are 100% certain that no one will ever be injured by a shark again.
Me: I don’t think that’s possible. And won’t that hurt all the businesses that rely on tourism?
Internet Mob: You care more about money than people. You capitalist pig! If it saves just one life it will be worth it.
Me: But people need money to survive……
Internet mob: I think this is all because of global warming. What we need is a crippling carbon tax, and the federal government to take control of the oil industry. And we should all hurl rocks at SUVs.
Me: Don’t you think we should have more evidence before taking such drastic measures?
Internet Mob: You’re anti-science!
Me: I don’t think I am. I just think we should look at this in perspective. Each of the 8 shark related deaths this year is a tragedy. But mosquitos killed a million people last year….
Internet Mob: You sicken me. I’m going to start a campaign to ruin your life and get you fired from your job.
Me: Wait! Never Mind!. I take it all back. Swimmers’ lives matter! Defund the sharks! Put up electric fences on the beaches and send drones to patrol the streets to protect us from land sharks. Just stop doxing me! And get these “peaceful protesters” in masks to stop throwing bricks at my house and pepper spraying my wife and kids when they go to the park! No education in critical thinking is worth all this!
