How to Fool Americans Into Giving the Federal Government Complete Control of Their Healthcare: 6 Easy Steps to Socialized Medicine

(I discovered this secret memo from the Whitehouse to Democratic leaders in Congress. Don't ask me how I got it. I protect my sources.)


How to Fool Americas Into Giving the
Federal Government Complete Control of Their Healthcare:
6 Easy Steps to Socialized Medicine

1. Overestimate the number of uninsured Americans.
Make sure you count even those who is uninsured by choice, those who were only uninsured briefly, and illegal immigrants. Remember, we're not interested in covering just those currently uninsured, but taking over the entire system. Never lose sight of this goal.

2. Emphasize that only the federal government can help these poor, uninsured people.
Completely ignore the billions of dollars in charity care provided by hospitals, healthcare providers and individuals. Remember, your goal is to do away with private charity and replace it with entitlements from the government.

3. Call your new program “National Health Insurance”, or something like that.
While establishing the largest social welfare program in the nation’s history, it is important to never refer to it as “socialized medicine” or “national healthcare.” This conjures images of the crappy healthcare and waiting lists that exist in every other country in the world that has nationalized healthcare. No need to remind Americans that’s what they’ll be getting too.

4. Be vague about how your new program will be paid for.
To start, ensure the public that half the cost for this huge new program will come from “savings” promised by the healthcare industry itself. Obtain this promise by threatening to put the industry out of business if they don’t play along. (You actually plan on putting them out of business eventually anyway, but they don’t know that yet.) Make sure these “savings” are in administrative costs that will be impossible to actually measure. Never let the public know that the only way to really cut the costs of healthcare (since tort reform is off the table) is by rationing and limiting access to healthcare. (Forget about that MRI or expensive cancer treatment you had your eye on.)

5. Tax the hell out of those who already provide health insurance for their employees.
Do this by taking away the tax deduction for businesses who provide health insurance. Say this is the only way to pay for healthcare of the uninsured. This will help speed the transfer of the healthcare system from the private sector to the government in several ways. First, in the short term it allows increased tax revenue without directly raising the income tax on most American voters. (That tax increase will come later of course.) Secondly, by significantly increasing the cost of providing health insurance for employees you discourage private health insurance all together. It’s ideal to do this during a recession since this increased cost will cause cash strapped companies to either go out of business, hire fewer employees, or just stop providing health insurance all together. Either way, you have decreased the number of people with health insurance and increased the number of people dependent on the government for healthcare, which is what you wanted in the first place. Soon enough employer provided health insurance will disappear and the only choices Americans will have is to pay out the nose for their own, or sign up for “Obamacare” like the rest of us.

6. Pay healthcare providers so poorly that they go out of business.
By this time you will have almost all Americans on the equivalent of Medicare. As all managers of hospitals and clinics know, the Medicare rate of payment barely covers the costs of providing healthcare. Hospitals and clinic depend on private insurance to make up for what they lose by treating Medicare patients. Since private health insurance will no longer exist and everyone will be paid the same low rate, hospitals and clinics will no longer be able to make a profit. This is good because when they go bankrupt the federal government will be there to “bail them out” they same way the did the auto industry. (Remember, "we castrate then bid the geldings be fruitful.") Then viola! We have not only taken over the “health insurance” industry but we also own the nation’s entire healthcare delivery system. And the federal government will look like the Messiah.

We thank you again for knowing what is best for American's better than they know themselves.

Barry