Christmas Letter 2013

Dear friends and family,

　

Michelle recorded some music this month with her friend, Mike Bartils, just in time for Christmas. For those of you who still have CD players, enjoy. If not, you can throw it in a box with your records, cassettes and eight tracks. I really married Michelle for her voice. I mean, she's pretty now, but I'll still be able to listen to her sing when she's old, wrinkly, saggy, and incontinent.

If my count is correct we still have two children. I can't remember their names or ages right now, but as you can see from the picture (the same one we sent to the nice people at Child Protective Services), they are adequately clean, nourished and clothed. Michelle can fill you in on them if she ever returns from Hobby Lobby.

We moved to a new house a couple of months ago. It's just down the street from our old house and in the same ward and school. We pretty much bought it because it smelled so nice, but now that we've been living in it for three months it just smells like us. Ewww!

Have a Merry Christmas

Love,

The Woolfs

This is Michelle. If you're reading this out loud, you should probably change to a falsetto voice and add a slight lisp to sound more feminine.

Whitney is 10, in 4th grade, and growing into a sweet young lady. She's very artistic and is torn between designing fashion, creating dream rooms, or writing novels. We just hope she stays really pretty, because all of those jobs are dumb.

Dane is 6, started kindergarten, and seems to finally be learning to behave himself. His teacher lets him stand at his desk instead of sitting down with all the other kids because he's so "energetic". He's cool.

KC is so incredibly wonderful and awesome that every morning when he leaves for work I sit hugging  and smelling his pillow, awaiting his return and yearning for his presence.  Chemists working for Giorgio Armani created Acqua de Gio by analyzing and attempting to imitate K.C.'s perspirationg.    You should all make it your New Year's resolution to be more like him.

p.s. Michelle didn't get back in time to write anything, but I'm pretty sure that's what she'd say.